Every now and again I have a moment. It could be passing a window, a mirror or any shiny object. It could be glancing down at my arm and seeing tubing. Sometimes it’s wrapping my arm up in plastic wrap to wash. Something every day normal but extraordinary.
It makes my brain explode. It’s the biggest “what the fuck?”, it’s a panic in my stomach. It’s a “HOW THE HELL did we get here?” Moment.
Everyone must get them, at the moment mine seem to be on crack. I normally have to go find myself out a hug. They floor me, they really do. In all honesty, I try hard to avoid them. I’m not advocating the suppressing of emotions but contemplating the whys and wherefores, aren’t going to help me presently.
During Chemo Wk 1, I have plenty of time to ruminate – here’s my first list…..
- When I was small I once got caught eating raw bacon – Mum made me be sick.
- When I was small I once ate all the Red Sanatogen Children Multivitamins in the bottle (anyone remember those chalky balls?). Brother and I both liked the Red Ones. We didn’t like the Green Ones. I surmised if I ate all Red Ones in one go, I’d not have to share (devil child). I managed to climb up to the kitchen cabinet and figured out the child-proof lid. I got caught by Mum. Mum made me be sick
- When I was small I once sucked all of those ‘smelly pens’ to see if they tasted like the smelled. They didn’t. Caught by Teacher (multicoloured mouth/face gave me away). Laughed at by Doctor and Mum.
- The sheer volume of cake I’ve eaten in my life time.
- The fact that until recently I really didn’t like exercise, preferring to read, therefore I tried very hard not to do any. Ever.
- My worrying. I used to worry even if I had nothing to worry about, I’d worry that I’d forgotten to worry about something. Fun to live with, yes?
- That time I sunbathed topless and burnt my nipples…..
- When I was smaller (but actually not that small) we got our first family microwave. I used to sit on the kitchen table and watch it go round and round, cooking the food. I love washing machines too, especially when you dye fabric. I *may* have been a cat in a former life. I don’t own a microwave now.
- I used to really love those Apple Cider ice lollies from the Ice Cream Van. I loved the 2p Beer Bottle sweets too. Anything that tastes that chemically can’t be good.
- I sometimes use my laptop while lying down with it on my belly / chest. I’m going it now. I should probably stop……
To conclude I was a weird kid, it’s a miracle I survived. I also once stuffed a catkin up my nose. It (inevitably) got stuck and needed medical assistance to be removed. In fairness, I was only following my brother’s example.
For the record, cutting down on cake, exercising more and trying to worry less are going to help your health. As would; not eating crazy, inedible things and standing in front of the microwave…..