aka A Practical Guide to Baldness
So I’m Bald now and it’s too hot to hide my head under a bushel (or a hat, scarf or wig).
Here we have baldness 101, based on my whole two days worth of experience. I have been trailing baldness is London and Bristol, this is what I’ve observed in handy dandy bite sized chunks. NB: This post contains generalisations.
- You need a bit of chip on your shoulder to pull it off. Not to much mind. In London recently, a rather yucky Chanel wearing twenty something charged past me bashing her huge leather bag into me – she turned back and gave me such a look that I just told her to “f-off”. That is not me. That is too much chip.
- When stared at, smile in an open and friendly way. If they stare longer than is necessary even though you are bald; just neutrally hold eye contact and then raise your brows. If you’re not in the mood bust out this next point.
- I like to protect myself – Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil. Hear no Evil; headphones on, rocking an amazing playlist. See no Evil; invest in a kick-ass pair of shades. Speak no Evil; please see above. I guess you could also call this technique “I can’t see you so you can’t see me”. It honestly helps.
- Young mothers look worried and heart broken.
- People of my own age are intrigued/horrified in equal measure.
- The flippy hair lot, simply can’t fathom why I’ve not taken to my bed.
- Many people just find the floor / sky incredibly engaging.
- The right on brigade REALLY want me to know they are totally cool with a) my fashion choice or b) my illness; cue maniacal smiling.
- The elderly out and out stare.
- I heart bald men. They just give me a nod.
- Sunscreen is important, really important. You scalp has not seen the light of day before.
- Women (and Men), a kick-ass lipstick does, in fact help. Also eyeliner is pretty effective too.
- Don’t forget to wash your head – I know, I know but the nurse said that to me, so I am assuming that some people don’t.
- You are going to need to moisturise too, I had a very scaly head to start with.
- I made a public service announcement about my new look. Best to tackle it head on (tee hee) and contain/own the shock factor.
The answers to the Questions People Really want to ask:
- No, it didn’t really hurt when my hair was falling out.
- Yes, in the end we clippered me, I then washed my head 4 times to get rid of most of the remaining loose hair.
- No, there was no way of knowing that I have my dads skull shape.
- No, you can’t touch my head unless I can put my finger in your ear.
- Yes, people stare; No, people haven’t commented yet.
- No, it would not make me feel better if you shaved your head. If you need a wakeup call about what constitutes beauty or how much society values ‘normal’ beauty, do it. But don’t do it for me.
- No, I have’t cried over my hair. I don’t know why.
- Showers are awesome! I love the feeling of droplets on my head.
- Restaurant staff are really, really polite and service is amazing.
- You get a hugely wide berth when swimming, which is most excellent.
- I am 100% sure I am cooler than the flippy hair girls – in every single way.
- It really is quicker to get ready in the morning.
- I’d never have chosen to do it or have had the balls; but Gosh it’s liberating.