Rounding the corner on Week 1 of Chemo 2 – Woo Hoo (and that’s about as much enthusiasm I can muster for that at the moment). The brain’s kicking back in, vegetable brain is so frustrating.
Still trying formulate the best, most truthful, way to write about my chemo. I’m a newbie and my thoughts on the process are still formulating.
I’m starting to realise that routines work for me. Also forging your own way, listen to yourself and don’t get pushed down a path that doesn’t suit. Like most things, I guess.
What I feel I can talk about is hair loss (again). I honestly thought it would be a case of hair today, gone tomorrow. Three haircuts later, I’m willing to concede this is not the case. It’s shocking how protracted my hair loss is.
Actual ‘treatment time’ and losing hair is quite distressing, through the bubble of other crap. I look like a Screech Owl or A Rock Hopper Penguin. I suggest finding loved ones who find small birds appealing or who can at least convincingly lie about it. No mangy dog so far, unless my spies aren’t keeping me informed correctly.
As I write this post, I’m leaning on a box containing clippers. A and I are having a gentle battle of wills about clippers at the moment. I was expecting to buzz cut, one hair cut back – the joint insistence of both A and Hairdresser D is what kept the crop. I honestly thought at one point, D would stop and admit defeat but my lovely men kept me with an actual haircut longer than I would have. I’m grateful, like always.
But now, now I waft like a Pixar cloud – puffing out tufts of hair. It gets everywhere. Food being the worst (sorry). It may be time to bite the bullet and defuzz a bit further.
I don’t know how I feel about that. Actually being hair free. It has felt an awfully long time coming. I look at pictures of shoulder length haired me and it feels like years not months. I’ve liked my cropped hair. I will miss it.
I think about the summer ahead and feel a bit intimated. Exciting, Happy occasions – Weddings, trips I’ve planned have another side now. I (believe it or not), I am quite shy, so it’s strangers and reactions I’ve toughing up for. Not so much for when I’m out and about with family and friends but people but when it’s just me.
I’m walking hopefully and I don’t mean to suggest (a head of time) that people will necessarily react badly. I just know I am very lucky in my lovely support network (if you’re reading this – that’s you) which keeps me in a very safe bubble.
The way of the world means, that others, may just not be as good at poker faces. Staring, I think it’s called. I’m quite oblivious at the best of times, especially with my headphones and sunglasses on. It’s a look I’m going to cultivate at any opportunity / weather.
I heard of the best come back to Chemo baldness heckling. Should anyone yell “Nice haircut”. One should reply “Thanks my Oncologist gave it to me”. Brilliant.
However it occurs to me, if you’re dealing with people, ignorant enough to be heckling a 34 year old bald girl – they may not actually know what an Oncologist does.
Probably a good thing I have a wig fitting tomorrow. Curiously a lot of people will know this isn’t my actual hair – it’s for strangers. Perhaps a down-side to my out and out honest blogging?