So this should be a practical guide to Chemo therapy but life has gotten in the way.
It’s now been 4 weeks since my last Chemo. Instead of spending Friday packing bags, hyping myself up, cracking open the high strength anti-nausea tablets, crying in a parking lot and then being pumped full of chemicals; this Friday saw me completing my first week back at work!
It feels momentous and oh so normal all at the same time. Last year I’d have laughed if you’d told me about the sense of accomplishment I’d achieved just by working a 5 day week.
There were a few weeks over the summer when I wondered how sensible it would be to return to work 3 weeks post chemo but this particular job, with this particular group of people? To see anyone else do it would have broken my heart and I’ve given up too much this year, professionally and personally to let it slide.
So, I’m not going to say it’s been easy. This week has been work, eat, bath, sleep, repeat. I basically pass out by 10pm. A’s been amazing fixing all meals (including pack lunches), tidying, washing etc. I’ve not been fighting it (much), with out his help and support I probably wouldn’t be back at work so soon. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a total tool for not pulling my weight.
I’ve wanted to start on my Thank You cards, reply to the lovely people who’ve been so kind over past 6 months but that is yet again on hold, phone a friend or even write a blog post.
I get frustrated with my achey body, my clumsy hands and feet, my reliance on others – especially at work, how long it takes to shower and dress, how slow I walk. Then I’ll catch a look at my self and get frustrated again. It normally takes A. reminding me that “Rome wasn’t built in a day” to cut my self a break.
I just to feel myself. NOW! If not sooner.
So this just a little Sunday update. I hope as the weeks go on my stamina will come back and I’ll resume some sort of work / life balance. I’m just chuffed I’ve got a work / life balance that’s out of whack. Makes a change from the rest / rest balance of previous months.
Thank you everyone who has sent love and best wishes.
ps my feet have swollen up for no good reason! What’s that about? Seriously, anyone know? It’ weird and sore….