Yesterday I had a meltdown, a massive, massive, meltdown. I sobbed for a loooong time. In fact, I think A will think twice about going on holiday without me again, it was as though I’d saved it all up for his return, which is a shame because he had a great time and I’m very pleased he could go.
I was just overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed on a UK level, a global level and a personal level too. It all seemed too much, I had reached saturation point, my heart felt too full and my head too confused.
Tomorrow I open the doors to Loop Massage Studio for the first time and the massive change I’ve made will be completed. From the moment I got the key and stepped into the space there’s been a voice in my head. A voice that says “no going back now”. When we lay the floor, “no going back now”, when we painted the walls, “no going back now”, when the plumbing and electrics went in “no going back now”…. you get the picture. Sometimes it’s an excited voice, sometimes apprehensive and sometimes it’s a very freaked out voice indeed.
Sunday is the 2nd anniversary of when A & I got married. There’s a lot of opening weekend celebrations happening and I don’t think I’ll get a moment to write him a blog post like last year but these two up events are linked or looped (if you’d allow me).
For those who don’t know A. – A. is a whirlwind powerhouse of energy, creativity and stubbornness. If he sets himself a task, he’s going to complete it and it will be the best thing ever. It’s a quiet and sometimes not so quiet drive that is 98% awe-inpiring and 2% a little overwhelming. Seriously, what he can achieve in a day is breathtaking to a procrastinating scaredy cat such as myself. It is an honour and a joy to hold his hand in this lifetime (and run to keep up).
- On a side note, it means the days when he stops and we just be are some of my favourites, a relaxed A is a thing of delight. -
A. was the powerhouse behind Loop, we walked by some empty shipping containers with a sign on them saying ‘for rent’ and he said “you should have a massage studio in one of them”, in 3 days it was a done deal. A leaps without looking in the best possible ways; having been burned a little bit, I’m a toe in the shallows woman myself.
Sometimes I’ve no idea what he’s doing with me. Our skill set and personality types are poles apart. I can make the man laugh though and he likes how I write. I like to think we compliment each other, and bring out the best. He helps to make me bolder and I, I think I bring a kindness to procedures.
We have been building this crazy dream project together since last September. I have had so many wobbles, I have learnt so much, I have had to braver than I ever thought I could be and learnt to be tougher. I now know what parts of a decoration project I care about and also that I will never, ever have strong opinions on sinks (apart from the fact and I know this makes me sound like a total ditz that the first time I put the water on in the cargo box it blow my mind shhhhh don’t tell anyone).
All this time if A has had doubts he’s had to keep them pinned inside because he knows if he wobbles, I wobble. All this time he has been there holding my hand and every night before we go to sleep he whispers “I believe in you” and it makes me feel unstoppable because the person I know who is truly unstoppable believes that of me too.
Every year we go on an adventure, sometimes not the best kind of adventure, sometimes they are wild and sometimes the change your life. They are life lessons, everyone and that’s what’s exciting.
I couldn’t be more proud of this dude. I can’t say I couldn’t love him more because I love him more each day.
He believes in me, I believe in me, together we are unstoppable.
A huge thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of my next adventure.
Adventures are important, especially now, in light of Manchester. People, horrendous, violent, destructive people, want to stop us, to scare us away from adventures. But the truth is adventures are what teaches us to be brave, to show empathy, to understand different cultures and not be afraid of what isn’t the same as us. How to rise above a tiny, and it is a tiny, deluded minority of individuals who will never know what real love and compassion is. Adventure boldly, prove them unimportant.